i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
