We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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