Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
