mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
