Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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