you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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