period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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