dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
