you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
