my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize