After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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