For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
