Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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