please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
