Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
