...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
