Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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