you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
