Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
