Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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