your room smells of hookers.
And success
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
