rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
