Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize