The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
