Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
