Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
