I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
