Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
