I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
