note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
