Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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