i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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