All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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