chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
