end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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