walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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