my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
