Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize