I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
