You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
