Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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