He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
