I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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