you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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