i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize