I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
