I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
