I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
