I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I won the penis lottery.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
