Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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