Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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