Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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