it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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