I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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