Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think i have two assholes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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