so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
