So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Send help, water and tortillas.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
