Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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