I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize