That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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