So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize