just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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