peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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