i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This is the high leading the old right now
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize