Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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