even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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