Even water is tasting like jack daniels
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
