As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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