i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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