worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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