she looked like the before picture.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
