im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
