oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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