Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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