I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize