Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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