I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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