don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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