Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
