Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
