Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
