Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
