it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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