I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
