You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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