i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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