I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
