it hurts more in the daytime
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
