my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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