If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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