LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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