They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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