just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
