You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
