There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
