oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
