So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
