just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
