Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
