Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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