I feel like abortions should bother me more
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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