do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
