it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
