I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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