Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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