I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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