Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
