Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
