you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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