so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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