I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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