No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
