If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
