Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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