My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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