i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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